so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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