some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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