What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
