3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
