I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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