i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
