Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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