Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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