I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
