His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What a dumb baby whore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
