I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
