Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
