just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Randomize
