i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
