So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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