Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
