Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
