Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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