We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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