It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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