i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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