When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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