You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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