if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
