Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
