I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Be still, my beating vagina.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
