i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
