youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
