you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
