Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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