Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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