I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
