They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
