I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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