Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
