Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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