I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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