You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
