Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
