I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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