im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
