I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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