Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
