remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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