it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
