ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
