I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
