I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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