I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
