My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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