Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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