frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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