you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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