i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize