please come you make the beer taste better
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
