i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
