You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
