when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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