Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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