The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
