the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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