Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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