dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
