In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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