...so i touched it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
