I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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