I haven't been this sober since birth.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
